Okay, okay. So I have been hiding. Running away. In flight. I have not been able to face up to stuff. I have tried all sorts of things to find cover and hide from myself and from my demons.
I have had a one-way ticket out of the darkness, scurrying across the earth, keeping up with the light.
I have been pretty darn good at it too. Kept up appearances but died on the inside. Looked as though I was coping. I was doing just fine. For god’s sake don’t venture into the cellar. Padlock the door with Titan padlocks.
Keeping the anger and emotions in a box in the the place where no light can surprise them. Anywhere but the light.
I conspired with the fears and emotions and the running scared part of me to be placed in the darkness where I thought it should be left. I did not know that they cackled like hyenas so they could feed on the carrion of darkness that was never allowed to see the light. Never ever. These Titans stood guard. My co-conspirators.
The box in the cellar got too small. The feelings and emotions could not be contained. They were the muffled cry like the bound up prisoner, dying in the dark of his cell. They were in solitary confinement, banging against the inside of the box. They needed air and light, even though they were dark.
The darkness craved light. The darkness is okay. It is part of me.
Splitting the light from the dark and boxing in one part of me made the light fake. Unnatural light like the fluorescent tube, not the light of the morning or the evening. Nor the noon day sun.
The moonlight needs the dark. The sunset needs the day to move into the night. The sunrise brings the bird song after the long night: the early morning coffee and the lie in, with the light dancing on the windowsill.
I will set the darkness free to return to the wild, away from its box in the cellar guarded by the padlock Titans. It will feel the morning warmth and light and be no longer afraid.
It comes to me: the lightness of darkness.